Dan #3

It was the afternoon when the soldiers brought me to the Lieutenant’s tent. He told me I disobeyed an order by stealing the Governor’s dog. That was stupid, of course because Larka wasn’t even anyone but Waruwi’s dog. The Lieutenant sighed. He said he didn’t have a choice but to wish me a good sleep, because I would be flogged in the morning. Earlier the next day,  Lieutenant Roberts led us to a forest and ordered Goodwin to build the triangle with me. While I was watching Goodwin work on the wood, Goodwin looked up. He heard a noise. Waruwi came with something wrapped in different hides. Goodwin warned me I have already gotten into enough trouble and shouldn’t listen to her but I stood up and lifted up the hide. I gasped and gestured for Goodwin to come over. By the look on his face, he was surprised too. An hour later, all the soldiers and Lieutenant Roberts gathered around the triangle. I stood in the middle holding what Waruwi brought wrapped in a red coat. Lieutenant Roberts came up to me and asked if I had anything to say for myself. I said yes and I didn’t steal Larka. This made the Lieutenant furious. He gave me one warning. I said I returned the dog to its rightful owner and I have something better. The Lieutenant still didn’t believe me. Then, Goodwin stood up for me. He told the Lieutenant that it was really a better thing for the camp. I opened up the coat to reveal a puppy. I said it was a gift of friendship from the natives and it’s much easier to train. The Lieutenant was dumbfounded and said it was amazing but warned me not to break the Governor’s laws again.

By August 31, 2020.  3 Comments on Dan #3  Historical Fiction   

3 Comments

  1. I liked your story because you didn’t spend heaps of time talking about one thing and you went to the next subject using the right amount of words. I also liked your expansive vocabulary and the words you used to describe the characters emotions.
    One thing I think you could improve on is your grammar, because in some sentences it is hard to read and understand properly.
    Overall, very good! Just remember correct grammar.

  2. Nice work! I loved your explaining and adjectives! But you could put more punctuation in!

  3. I really liked your story as you described the characters emotions very well. I also like how you used a variety of words to describe things. I think you could work on your grammar as some of the sentences didn’t really make sense.
    Overall, it was very good and I really enjoyed reading it.

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